In case you missed last week’s post, welcome to my new series! Every so often I will be sharing bits about a personal life experience that has influenced my journey and design philosophy. I believe it’s our stories that make us who we are, and sharing has the power to help and heal others. I have always appreciated others’ realness, and I feel in my heart it’s my turn to offer up the same. So, here we go…

Backstory

I’m 8 months pregnant. Happily, healthfully, joyously pregnant.

I’m also really into astrology - always have been, always will be - but there have been two times in my life it has led me astray. This was one of them…

Last Fall, amid a period of uncertainty, I decided to consult an astrologer for some guidance from the cosmos… If you know me personally, this will come as NO surprise!

We talked life, relationships, career, goals, etc. - never once was there mention of a baby. Flash forward a few weeks and three positive pregnancy tests later, my jaw HIT THE FLOOR! Where was my heads up dude?!?! I was thrilled, but also in shock.

What became undeniable was a strong feeling of, “this is so much bigger than me”. That realization was grounding and provided the reminder that I don’t have to have all the answers figured out. Clarity will come in time, and indeed it has.

First trimester: exhaustion & indulgence. I’ll never know if it was my body’s natural response to pregnancy or if it was how I nurtured myself during those first few months, but I am forever grateful for whatever it was that led to such a smooth start to the journey. Pretty much no morning sickness, with a strong need to nap on the reg, which I allowed myself to indulge guilt-free.

Second trimester: restored energy levels & newfound excitement. As I started to bump a bit, it felt more and more real. Up until I felt kicks (~20 weeks in) it was as though nothing was going on in there - was I really even pregnant? Again, uncertainty and feeling a lack of control was prevalent and I had to breathe my way through the discomfort of not knowing for the painstaking four-week intervals between doctors visits.

Enter in the pandemic… Fascination and curiosity had me pretty hooked on the news at first. As things progressively worsened, I began to correlate my news intake and due date inching closer with increased anxiety. I have since silenced all news from my world, taking in only what I need to based on conversations with my doctors. This practice has been a Godsend.

Am I nervous to be embarking on bringing a child into our lives when the world feels upside down? Yes, but a) there’s literally nothing I can do about it other than continue to care for myself, and b) I know no differently at this point. All I can control is my mindset and I prefer to feel relaxed rather than anxious, so I craft my surroundings and exposure accordingly.

Third trimester: a return to overwhelm & the yearning to nest. Something about turning the corner on that 90-day countdown flipped the realness switch big time. I felt a new wave of emotion, an urge to be introspective, and a desire to savor every moment of my alone time with my husband… borderline needy!

I’ve gained around 30 lbs, I wear the same 7 athleisure outfits on repeat, my cravings have consisted of fresh fruit, limeade and cheese (I eat almost entirely plant-based otherwise), and I feel less than cute most of the time. I walk for exercise, I sleep whenever I feel the need, I dig into baby-related information as I have the mental bandwidth. These days, the soccer player in my belly feels like he’s training for the World Cup at all hours, and my excitement for this next chapter is stronger than ever. Anxiety surrounding the unknown remains, but it now coexists more peacefully with healthy anticipation.

Influence on Design

Space planning is a negotiation of needs. Creating space where none seemed to exist before is doable regardless of size constraints, so long as you’re open to thinking outside the box. For example, for starters we are creating a cute home for our little guy in our master closet. Yes, it required yet another round of reorganizing our belongings which was annoying, but of all our options, this was the least stressful, keeps him close by initially while retaining our guest bedroom as is for the sleepless nights ahead. Spaces evolve as needs evolve - it’s how you pivot when needs change that makes the difference in the end result.

I’m already sensitive to clutter and seeing the amount of things needed for a newborn is mind-blowing. As of now, I refuse to have a home overrun with kiddie gear. Mark my words, everything we bring into our home will have a place to be stored and put away… I’ll keep you posted as this wishful thinking plays out :)

The marketplace for baby things - as is the case with furnishings, decor, accessories, paint colors, etc. - is endless. I’ve had to utilize my skill set for scrutinizing design details as I have selecting baby gear": it comes down to trusting my gut, accepting that I may not get it 100% right, and making the best decisions I can with the information I have.

Personal Takeaways

Everyone has an opinion. I’ve had to quiet the external commentary and go inward, realizing no two experiences (as with designing spaces) are ever the same. In the end, all that matters is how something feels to me and works for me.

The pandemic has brought the theme of “uncertainty” to light a lot lately, but the truth is, uncertainty has always existed in our daily lives, because nothing is ever guaranteed. Nothing, ever. Embracing change and the unknown frees you from fear.

As I’ve mulled through my endless questions about what this change will mean for our life, I’ve given myself the freedom to fully explore and process my feelings. As they say, I leaned into it. I journaled, I spoke to close friends, I read, I meditated, etc. My conclusion is, life as I’ve known it will never be the same, but in the best way.

Until next time,

If this post resonated, I would love if you’d share your thoughts with me - either comment below or email blog@lizgaffneydesign.com.